Snack trolley

On the train to Bucknell on Saturday, we had the drinks-trolley chap who thinks that he is a comedian. Every male passenger is addressed as Dave, every female passenger as Mary and the purchase of a cup of coffee produces a litany such as
Coffee, Dave? Yes, I might have a magic one left
There you go, Dave.
Milk, Dave?
Milk, Dave.
Sugar, Dave?
Agitator, Dave?
Agitator, Dave.
It gets wearing after a very short while. When not attracting any custom (he can’t get the trolley along the gangway of the small single-carriage DMU) he walks up and down offering:
Ice cream, anyone?
(Needless to say, he has no ice cream on the trolley.)
Ice cream, tea, coffee, squirrel on a stick anyone?
Squirrel on a stick?
Ocelot spleen, anyone?
Coffee, Dave?
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One Response to “Snack trolley”

  1. Graham Higgins Says:

    I have a thing about yoofs calling me ‘mate’. In the States they call you ‘sir’ with equal lack of any meaning beyond a grammatical place-marker, but it’s a pleasant formality. My standard response to ‘mate’ is a ‘Thank you, slick.’ I don’t know what it means but neither do they, and I enjoy the moment where they try to work out whether it’s a passing insult… especially when accompanied by a cheery wink.

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